so many walls i can't break through */

[alexandra leslie suresh]

IT ALL BROKE DOWN AND THE STORY OF
US LOOKS A LOT LIKE A TRAGEDY NOW

- - - - -

"i'm alexandra suresh. i called earlier." a tiny brunette stood in front of the receptionist's desk tapping her ankle boots with a slight air of impatience as she waited for her appointment to be confirmed. the blonde and obviously ditzy receptionist seemed to be struggling to find anything relating to alex and alex let out a sigh. after rummaging in her pocket for a second, she waved her iphone in the air as if that would immediately prove that she had indeed called ahead and wasn't just another college freshman without a clue. she knew how to plan ahead. of course a smarter idea would have been to actually show the 'recent calls' but she wasn't thinking about that. the first year uni student watched as the blonde receptionist "debbie" typed a few things up onto her computer before nodding without making eye contact with alex. "okay, just take a seat and he'll be with you shortly thank you." alex rolled her eyes since the receptionist obviously couldn't care less and slowly slid into one of the cushioned seats against the wall, letting her head rest against the wall with a gentle thud. it felt like all she had done today was sit and wait. she'd had to wait for about an hour to be allowed to visit her elder brother timothy because the doctors were giving him another check up to see how he was holding up. still not too good was the answer to that. surprise surprise. tim had been getting check-ups from the doctors nearly every day and there was little change. they just kept umming and ahhing over his injuries and giving him more blood transfusions since he'd lost quite a lot blood that day. they preferred to do all of this without visitors in the room though which meant alex was forced to sit in the waiting room reading gardening magazines. it was boring to say the list. and then she'd had to sit and wait for ages in traffic because there was so much rubble on the roads that everyone was going super slow and cautious and half of the traffics lights were either down or broken and confusing everyone. at least most people seemed to be going the opposite direction alex though since she had been leaving the hospital while everyone was going there. good timing on her behalf she assumed.

alex estimated that she'd probably been at that hospital at least every second day if not every day ever since the day the earthquake hit valkyrie and she'd had to frantically drive her bloodied and injured brother there. luckily he wasn't as injured as some other citizens that alex had heard about on the local news and she supposed she had to thank god that he was alive at least. and she had tim to thank for the fact that she was alive and not the one sitting in a hospital bed getting poked and prodded by doctors. it was scary to think of how close she'd been to being injured or dead herself. still it sucked that instead, tim was stuck in hospital. tim hated hospitals, that was something alex knew very well. she at least was used to them as sad as it seemed. she'd been in and out of hospitals her entire life. that was what happened when you grew up with two rougher and older brothers who forgot she wasn't as strong as them. and then there was the time she was knocked out by her father and ended up in a texan hospital but she preferred not to count that because that brought up bad memories. instead she just thought of the many sprained ankles and broken fingers and concussions brought on by her delightful brothers and occasionally the kids at school when recess got too exciting.

luckily alex had grown up a lot since those days. or so she liked to think. after all she was in university now so she liked to pretend she had magically matured somehow since high school despite that being not too long ago. and not to mention she was still surrounded by high school drama like boys. specifically one boy but derek stanwood was far from miss alexandra's thoughts today. far far far from them. oh alex was such a liar, even to her own mind. but no, she was forcing any petty high school drama out of her brain today when she had bigger problems to worry about. for instance the large pile of homework she'd been assigned which was due very soon. alex had always longed for the day that she entered university. despite having watched tim go through it, she remained stuck on the idea that life would suddenly change for her. she could put all of her crappy memories of high school behind her and change. she'd be going out all the time partying late in the night and having study sessions with new friends. no, instead she'd spent her time in university so far wandering around getting lost and sitting in the library. and for a while hanging with derek but that was over now so she was back to attempting to make new friends. now that amber and hayden, her two closest friends, had both left town she felt quite lonely and it was tricky finding someone in this town who wasn't totally superficial and just looking to get drunk. not really alex's style. thus it was a bit of a challenge finding people to connect to.

letting out another sigh, alex drummed her fingers on the small coffee table next to her and felt a magazine under her fingertips. glancing down she noticed a copy of the most recent people magazine. impressive for a college advisor's office. so why was she in the reception room of the advisor's office exactly? well back to that massive pile of homework, including several essays and projects that she'd barely started. thanks to the earthquake she'd been completely held up spending all of her spare time at the hospital or around town busking and trying to make someone smile as they walked passed her on the street. and with all of this going on, she simply didn't have time to study the early music from the renaissance period. no, her priorities were more towards her family right now, not essays. all the same she was a good student and she figured when struggling, go to someone with higher authority and they can fix everything. so here she was at the college advisor's office seeking some help. her teachers had all been unhelpful so far, telling her that she was no exception and she knew that. she just needed some help. plus she wanted to talk about officially making music her major since she was yet to do so.

boredly flicking through the people magazine, alex raised an eyebrow at some of the stories. there was a story on the earthquake already since there were a few celebrities who either lived here or used to live here. they were all very generic comments though. it was all 'i hope everyone in my hometown is safe.' or 'i hope to visit as soon as possible.' boring. if they really cared they'd be in town. alex's cousin nina was flying from out of the country to be with her family. now that was dedication. alex shut the magazine with a huff and glanced at the clock on her iphone. she'd been here ten minutes already and she was bored. "will he be much longer?" she called out across the room to the receptionist. the blonde glanced across and replied with a hint of annoyance. "possibly. he's in the middle of talking to another student right now and i'm sure he'll give you the same amount of time." oh well that was just a tad rude. well back to reading about overrated celebrities then since she had nothing else to do.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; derex !
TIME/PLACE; afternoon / advisor's office, valkyrie university
CREDITS; lyrics by taylor swift. banner by JOECAT at caution v.2.
OUTFIT; tada.
WORDS; 1,330
NOTES; sorry i'm a bit rusty with alex but it turned out better than i thought xD rambled a lot though. but so excited for derex!

- - - - -

[/size]

[derek oliver stanwood]

------------------------------------------

------ It is not that the twins never spoke anymore. They did. And he knew one day they would break apart but he had just wished it hadn't ended the way it had. A few years ago, Meg Stanwood, better known to the rest of the world as Margaret Wood, why she used a different version of her own name for fame, he didn't know, she was his best friend, his sole companion. But when they arrived in California, a place Derek had really never wanted to go but came because Meg was going to come with or without him. Or at least that's what she threatened and at that time he couldn't stand the idea of living without her near by. And now? He hadn't seen her face to face in two years, unless you count him seeing her on television. He did sometimes watch her. She was good too. He had to admit, she was good. And his one phone call every two months was good enough he supposed. Speaking of which, he had to remember to try calling her tonight. She had left a message on his cell that she needed to tell him something. Right now he had other things to focus on.

------ You see, Derek had gotten a full scholarship to Valkyrie University so many years ago. He had graduated and now he needed to continue for Grad school, but since the Renaissance fair was so brutally damaged in the Earthquake, and he had the scars on his now healed broken leg to prove it, but the fair was closed to rebuild. He was helping organize but it was no longer a full time job, so he found another and finding a way to pay for grad school was not happening. He gotten another scholarship but not a full ride and everything was just busy and filled with work. He was on his way at that moment to University to talk to a financial advisor to talk about his options. He had an appointment but he had a feeling he would be waiting awhile, he regretfully had to ask off from his second job at the bookstore, at least for his afternoon shit. As the boy walked down the street, almost to campus he heard a buzzing from his jacket pocket. He looked down at his cell and didn't know whether to smile or frown upon seeing Meg's name on the screen. He took a deep breath and flipped it open, placing it on his ear. "Hello?" He asked into the cellular device. "Derek? It's Meg, I have some news." Derek raised an eyebrow in curiosity not that she could notice that but whatever, "What is it? You get a movie roll or something?" He heard her give a small chuckle. "Um... no, that'd be nice but this is different.... I'm in town." Derek had to stop walking for a moment, "Wait, you're in Valkyrie?" Meg continued, "Yes, and I will be for awhile. We're filming the next season on Site #86!" Derek smiled a little. Her accent got stronger when she sounded excited and she did. But part of him was worried. He would see her more now, would their old issues resurface? They ended on such a bitter note. He was worried she would be such a new person now. The old Meg would not have been kept away had she heard her twin brother had broken his leg in an earthquake, but hadn't even seen her since before the quake. Sad really.

------ Guess that's what long distance calls were all about. "derek, did you hear me? Aren't you happy?" Derek hadn't even realized how quiet his thoughts had kept his voice. He nodded and regained the pace in his walk. "Yeah... I mean, Yes of course I am. It will be wonderful to see you again." This time it was Meg's turn to pause. He knew she could hear that fear in his voice. Derek was always the worst liar on the planet. He was great at avoiding telling the truth but to actively lie, it came out very clear. "Look, I know things have been a little on edge for awhile. I did not even come to see you when you were, and I have no excuse really, but I think, being back home-" "Valkyrie's not my home Meg, just the place you dropped me off on your way to fame." Okay, even Derek knew that was a bit harsh. She more dragged him along because she wanted to meet their birth family. Bloody good that did them. If anything it screwed the orphans up more. "Yes... well... I just think, it'll get better. We... I can work on it. But you will have to be open to giving me a shot. It's not like you're completely innocent in the situation either." she had him there. Derek clung to her. He was also a sort of judgmental person, so he would criticize a lot, but mostly, he was the one who told her to leave. "Can we see eachother tonight?" Derek was taken aback by her wanting to see him so quickly but for the first time in a long time she actually seemed to resemble his sister. "Yes... Of course we can." He heard the relief and happiness in her voice when she added, "Wonderful! Oh this is great. How about we meet at eight o'clock at that new Italian place on the strip. My treat! I'll see you tonight. Bye!" And like that she was off the phone.

------ Derek tried to figure out exactly what happened as he entered the administration building filled with all sorts of advisors. He walked straight to the blonde receptionist, too enveloped in his own thoughts to look around and notice a familiar brunette in the waiting room. Whatever had happened with Meg, it seemed like something good. He walked up to the receptionist and told her he had an appointment with the financial advisor. She boredly told him it would be a bit of a wait but he had come prepared for that. He thanked her, very politely as always with him. He turned around and looked around at the seats. There weren't that many to begin with and the only two spaces open were to the right of a very familiar girl. Alex Suresh. He hadn't really seen her since he walked out that night. Derek had had a total of two girlfriends. One lasted like three weeks and occurred after his first girlfriend, who was the girl who was sitting right there. He sighed and walked over to her, sitting down in the seat that was just one away from hers. Part of the problem was him, not telling her much of anything about him. In fact, all she knew was that he was British (technically american but he was raised in england) and that he had a sister named Meg. She didn't know Meg was the TV star Margaret Wood. Nor did she knew they were twins. Nor did she know that the Stanwoods were not his birth parents. But she never spoke about her past to him either and for her to be so frustrated by that... let's just say. It was complicated. He sat up straight in the seat and smirked slightly as he glanced over at her as he saw his sister on the magazine she had in her hand. "Hey Alex." He said, attempting something he was bad at; Being Casual.

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; derex ftw!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'letters from the sky' by Civil Twilight
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; so excited,

[alexandra leslie suresh]

IT ALL BROKE DOWN AND THE STORY OF
US LOOKS A LOT LIKE A TRAGEDY NOW

- - - - -

waiting definitely not one of alex's best skills at all. quite the opposite in fact. she was terribly impatient. especially when she'd already spent so much time lately waiting already for everything else. there came a point where she just wanted to stop waiting and go do something productive. like go write a song. or eat some food. or work on an essay. except she couldn't work on her essays which was why she was here in the first place. instead she was stuck reading magazines about trashy celebrities that couldn't appreciate how lucky they were to be living the life they were. didn't they get it? didn't they realise that alex would jump through fire hoops to be in their position? of course they didn't. most celebrities just seemed to breeze through their fame without any consequences or thoughts for their fans. it was stupid of alex to get so riled up about a petty thing like this but she couldn't help it. it wasn't fair that most celebrities got their fame these days without any effort or talent required at all. meanwhile alex was doing her best to get noticed more and failing miserably.

for the last few years, ever since amber had left and alex was basically left on her own, she realised she needed to do something with her life and get to work on her plan for making it big. she'd always sworn to herself that she would not end up being the girl who never leaves her hometown. of course she'd left her hometown in georgia a long time ago but now she considered valkyrie her hometown so the same plan still applied. she wanted to actually do something meaningful with her life that didn't include working as a check-out chick at the same job her whole life, and having the same routine for the rest of her life. no, that scared her a little to be honest. alex wanted to be up on a stage with her guitar and a microphone, listening to a crowded audience singing along to a song that she wrote herself. that was the dream. the far-fetched unlikely but ever present dream. and it wasn't for a lack of trying that she hadn't made it either because damn it she was putting her voice out there. she'd been performing at cafes around town, and at the country club, and busking all over town so if there was someone who hadn't heard her voice by now, they were clearly a hermit and never left the house. not to mention she'd been uploading videos of both covers and her own songs up onto youtube and had been receiving a decent amount of views. but she was no where near a full-time music career.

thus she was forced to keep at this whole college thing. she wasn't really sure why she'd decided to apply to college. it had never really been a plan for her when she was younger but considering that was because she had no money, it was nice to have the luxury of being able to afford something like university tuitions with her uncle and aunt's help. plus once her aunt suggested it, the idea definitely grew on her. being able to study music full time seemed like a good way to spend a few years while she tried to get her name up in lights. but instead she had to wait for that. it all came back to her lack of ability to be patient. of course it did. it was as if the world was just trying to torment alex somehow. making her wait for her time to shine, waiting in the hospital. waiting in the reception room for her appointment with the advisor. waiting waiting waiting. when was alex going to stop waiting and start getting things to happen?

as these frustrating thoughts flickered through alex's mind, she glanced at her iphone clock again. it had been barely even two minutes since she last interrupted the receptionist so she settled for browsing through the people magazine once more, ending up on a story on one of the biggest television stars these days, margaret wood. alex had read all about her and her antics with that dustin harris who had ended up in jail or something now. ugh it was all just so dramatic, even without scripts. while alex read on, she heard the door open and looked up briefly. that brief look turned into a double take as she spotted a very familiar face walk right up to the receptionist without noticing alex. thank goodness. but yes, there was no doubt that it was derek stanwood standing a few feet away. alex let out a breath quietly, staring at the floor, panicking. was it possible to sneak out without him seeing her? no it was too late now. he was already turning around and facing her. and wouldn't you know, the only spare spots open were to the right of her. great. alex kept her eyes glued to her magazine although she wasn't taking in one word as she saw derek sit in the seat one away from her. oh dear god this was awkward. she couldn't not say hi but at the same time how could she?

honestly alex could not think of a single thing to say to derek. they hadn't exactly ended their relationship on a good note, with the big fight and him storming out and all. but it was his fault of course. all alex wanted to do was get to know her boyfriend and he had refused to open up to her. then again she hadn't exactly opened up herself but she was ignoring that factor. it was always much easier to blame the other person. and how exactly was she supposed to tell him about her past? 'oh by the way sweetie, my dad's an alcoholic and abused me so i put him in jail. mind passing the salt?' yeah right. alex felt that she had a right to keep that part of herself to herself. she didn't want to have to explain her own dramas to someone else all over again. she'd done enough of that when it happened. no point dwelling on that. however that didn't stop her from being curious about derek. surely his life story couldn't be any worse than hers. but since neither of them would open up, neither of them would know. so as alex sat there, staring at her magazine, frozen like a statue and trying to think of something, anything to say, derek saved her the trouble by speaking first. hearing his voice, alex stiffened slightly and cocked her head to the side to look at him. taking a deep breath, she studied him for a moment. "hi derek. haven't seen you around lately." alex tried to keep the bitterness out of her voice since he had been the one to walk out but she managed a hint of a smile. really? did this have to happen here? she would have preferred to bump into him somewhere that at least allowed her to escape but she was stuck here until the advisor was ready. of all the days to declare her major.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; derex !
TIME/PLACE; afternoon / advisor's office, valkyrie university
CREDITS; lyrics by taylor swift. banner by JOECAT at caution v.2.
OUTFIT; tada.
NOTES; blah rambled. i am so lost in uni talk. haha i love awkward encounters. and derex <333

- - - - -

[/size]

[derek oliver stanwood]

------------------------------------------

------ I think many of the kids back in Seven Oaks would have been shocked to see he actually had a sex drive. His was far more calm and in control than most men but he still felt attraction. He felt affection. He got crushes and fell for people but they would be shocked by all of that. In fact, the only time those kids even considered it possible for him to like someone like that was when he was twelve and the new girl joined the group home. That new girl being his twin, not that he knew that at the time. But still, he never felt anything like that for her. He simply felt like she was his best friend but since she was this pretty new girl all the other pre-pubescent boys wanted, they all decided if Derek was spending time with her must like her. When they all eventually realized that was not in fact true, they all just assumed he was completely uninterested in anything romantic. And they weren't one hundred percent false either. For years, Derek really didn't give a damn how that sort of thing went. He would get a crush here or there, was not ever brave enough to say anything and would eventually forget about it. But then, five years ago, when the two Stanwood twins moved to Valkyrie, California, something big happened.

------ Derek met someone. Her name was Artemis Ellis. She was something else. She looked like a model, dressed like one too. She was a bit of a pothead, definitely a partier and someone who basically embodied most of what Derek did not. But for some reason, she seemed to adore Derek. They were good friends and Derek liked her a lot, she knew she liked him too but what kept him from making a move? Her. She was only getting further away from Derek in terms of similarity. If he had asked her out and they had dated, her friends would have given her hell. They were the shallow, rich, and beautiful people who thought they were better than everyone else and he didn't know how to handle them. A relationship between him and her would have made absolutely no sense and you know what? He was glad they never took that next step because what if it had changed what he had had with Alex?

------ Derek had met Alex and things just clicked. She wasn't a major druggy and she wasn't surrounded by the egotistical, judgemental group of friends. She was funny and smart, and looked more beautiful than all of the others without make up on. And while this might have ended up as their downfall, but they both had their walls and wanted to go slow. He thought the fact that they both were not too keen on talking about their pasts was going to be a positive side of their relationship. They could be together and it would be okay for them to not know about each others pasts. They would have both understood that what was in the past wouldn't change how they felt about each other so it was good that they didn't have to worry about that other stuff. But that was not how it turned out was it? No. She had to push him to talk to her. She kept wanting to know more about him and whenever he tried to brush off a conversation she would begin to get frustrated so, in return he would try and ask about her past but was she open about her past like she was asking him to be? No, of course not. He couldn't tell her what she wanted to know. All it would have done is made her feel bad for him. It would not have changed what happened. It would not have made him any more or less intelligent. Nothing would have changed except from the moment he told her about his life on, whenever she looked at him, he would be able to see an extra twinge of pity. And he couldn't have that, not from Alex.

------ She had been his first girlfriend in his entire life. And therefore a lot of other firsts as well, minusing first kiss which went to Sarah Oconall who was a classmate when he was 14. His second girlfriend was a girl named Sarah as well. His relationship with her lasted a total of three weeks before he realized he had no real feelings for her and was just doing it to satisfy his best friend who had been desperate for Derek to come out of his post break up funk from Alex. His old peers from SevenOaks would definitely be shocked. He glanced over at the brunette to his left before returning his gaze forward. The awkwardness was so thick, he was worried some of the other people around might choke on it. "hi derek. haven't seen you around lately." Derek nodded, trying his best to look forward and as casual as possible. "Yes. I've been working. Grad school doesn't exactly make itself easily accessible.... I also sort of had to heal up from a broken leg." He replied, hoping he sounded relatively nonchalant. Yeah he mentioned his leg but it seemed like every other person who was in town for the earthquake was injured somehow. At least he was able to heal easily. He looked over at her again, this time catching her eyes which made him feel even more uncomfortable as he asked, "How have you been?" his thick accent weighing through each word.

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; derex ftw!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'letters from the sky' by Civil Twilight
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; awkward...

[alexandra leslie suresh]

IT ALL BROKE DOWN AND THE STORY OF
US LOOKS A LOT LIKE A TRAGEDY NOW

- - - - -

it wasn't that alex wasn't experienced in relationships or anything. she'd had her fair share of boyfriends. the small girl with the big personality had never found it too difficult attracting attention from the opposite sex although don't get her wrong, she wasn't a floozy or anything. but she definitely had started out nice and young at the age of twelve. in her small hometown of hinesville her first boyfriend title went to a boy in the year above, daniel. his last name was long gone from alex's memory but he had been the first boy to sweep alex off her feet. he'd bought her flowers and chocolates and they'd dated for about a week but for little twelve year old alex, it was the best week of her life so far. he'd been the first of several boyfriends in hinesville as alex went through the usual teenage years there. there hadn't been a huge selection of boys of course given that it was quite a small town but alex had managed to find several charming boys. it was a fairly old-fashioned southern town which meant the boys were brought up with good manners so despite the lack of choice, alex found a way to snag several boys during her awkward teenage years, making them a little less awkward for her. or maybe just a whole lot more awkward.

however when she'd arrived in valkyrie, the love life had died a little. or a lot rather. understandably she had been a little more focused on just finding some friends first. in a new town with only her family being the only familiar faces around her, alex had put searching for love out of her mind for the time being and let herself develop a few strong friendships. of course then there had been the whole dad-kidnapping drama and after that she had been in no state to date. with her badly dyed black hair and constant bags under her eyes she was a sight to see and not a good one. definitely not sexy in any way shape or form. not to mention the depression and the post-traumatic stress disorder that her therapist told her could take years to recover from. so all together, coming to valkyrie hadn't exactly helped alex in the love department at first. but alex had never been the kind of girl who really needed a guy around which was probably part of her appeal. she'd never been the particularly needy type. with all of her drama with her dad, alex had enough on her mind and she simply hadn't had time to worry about what her boyfriend was doing. this had always made her stand out a mile next to all of the clingy obsessive teenage girls that she was surrounded by. particularly in valkyrie where the girls seemed to be either clingy or slutty. to find a girl who was neither seemed to be rare and alex happened to be one of those girls.

that was probably what had attracted alex's most recent boyfriend derek. or rather ex-boyfriend. he hadn't really been alex's type but then again she didn't really have a type. she'd dated jocks, musicians and the book-smart nerds so she went by personality over type. and by chance, derek and alex had clicked when they met. it had taken her a bit by surprise she had to admit. it wasn't like he was her first boyfriend in valkyrie. that role had gone to a guy who played guitar at valkyrie academy as well but he had only lasted two weeks before he just bored alex. so derek was the first in a while and she hadn't even been looking for a relationship when she found him. him, derek stanwood. he was intelligent, a little old-school, slightly awkward and he was sweet to her. forgive alex for being a little naive but she had definitely fallen for him a little more than anticipated. but there were cracks in their relationship much earlier on than she would have liked. for alex, it came down to the same thing that everything seemed to. her father. even though he was rotting in jail now and was out of her life, he still seemed to pop up whenever he was not wanted. at first alex had been happy that she and derek were taking things slow and not rushing into everything but there came a point where she decided she wanted to know more about him but for whatever reason, derek had refused to open up to her. instead he'd asked her to do the same and when she couldn't think of an easy way to divulge into her past, she did what she always did and clammed up. she knew it was hypercritical but she couldn't help it. and surely his past couldn't beat hers in the tragedy side of things so why couldn't he just open up to her? all of this frustration had built up over the span of their relationship until alex had finally cracked it, resulting in derek walking out of the fight and out of the relationship.

of course alex regretted pushing him a little. maybe if she'd just waited and let him talk when he wanted to things wouldn't have happened. but alex was still determined not to put all of the blame on herself because she knew that her reasons for not sharing were completely justified. derek didn't need to hear her big sob-story and personally alex didn't feel like reliving that part of her life ever again. maybe if she'd actually explained that to derek things might have gone down better but alex vaguely recalled her responses to derek more along the lines of 'well if you won't then i wont!' and 'well that's not the point. i asked first.' ever the mature one she was. like right now, sitting in the reception room one seat away from derek, alex was so so so tempted to let out a snarky comment of some kind just to see his reaction. but she bit her tongue and nodded as he answered her question. so he'd been injured in the earthquake. alex supposed she was should probably ask him if he was okay now or something but as she considered this, she looked up and accidently locked eyes with him. alex was silent for a moment as she stared at him before breaking their eye contact to stare at her hands clutching the magazine still. "yeah great. i've been getting a few more gigs around town. tim's still in hospital though but he should be getting out soon." gosh this had to be one of the most awkward conversations alex had ever had.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; derex !
TIME/PLACE; afternoon / advisor's office, valkyrie university
CREDITS; lyrics by taylor swift. banner by JOECAT at caution v.2.
OUTFIT; tada.
NOTES; blah not my best. but i don't think we discussed how long they dated? and im assuming it was fairly recently?

- - - - -

[/size]

[derek oliver stanwood]

------------------------------------------

------ Derek never really opened up to people. It was not that he assumed she had lived a perfect life and could not understand, it really wasn't. He knew she had been through somethings, and he hadn't cared if he knew. All he knew what that he had cared about her. No, Derek has a hard time opening up to people for many, many reasons. The main one being is he hated that look of sad pity that adorns people's faces when they hear about his life or other hardships in other people's lives. He was who he was, his past should not factor into that. You shouldn't let someone get away with something or be more lenient with them just because you find out something bad had made a large mark in their lives. There are no real excuses in the real world and people needed to realize that. Besides, Derek was convinced that at the end of the day, people do not really want to hear the truth. They are content to believe what they believe about you and your past, they just want you to confirm it for them and then get angry when you don't because it challenges their preconceived ideas about you. It was all ridiculous. He didn't want to assume things about people's pasts because he didn't care, he just needed to know who they were now, what their situation was in the moment. Now, I am not going to lie, of course he would get curious about Alex. How she seemed much more mature and independent than most young adults around their age. But until she began to question him, he was content not knowing.

------ Another reason for his secrecy is that he was fairly ashamed of who he was. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia. He hated his dyslexia with a passion since his passion was reading and he had to work harder at reading a book he desperately wanted to read than a person who spent most of their time playing video games or watching tv. It also didn't help that he never had a proper education growing up. He didn't really begin school until he was eight and they put him into lesser classes because of his stark lack of reading skills. Natural intelligence, reasoning, math skills, and true dedication to working with and around his disorder let him catch up but he was embarrassed that at ten his reading level was about that of a six year old. And that even now, he probably just had a reading level of a high schooler. There were special books he could get for being dyslexic but those were expensive, very. He could barely afford to have a horrid, faltering little roof over his head in his tiny apartment, let alone the "special' kid's books. If you think about it, Derek did not really like himself all that much. He liked the man he wanted to be but felt like that was impossible. He just doesn't see himself as worth getting to know. Reason number three, I guess. But he would stand by his first reason, in his mind, there was no way Alex actually wanted to know what his history was. What she wanted to hear was that he and his sister named Meg were the kids of Colin and Rebecca Stanwood, raised in London for a fair portion of their childhood before moving to the small town of SevenOaks Weald where Derek wasn't the most popular in school but found a home in the history buffs of the Renn fair nearby. Before he moved to Valkyrie for College. That's what she wants to hear, that's what everyone wants to hear but he didn't want to lie to her... and he didn't want to let her down.

------ Besides, she would know if he was lying, he wasn't good at it and THAT she did know about it. And he knew he had let her down anyways. That night the big fight happened, he walked out. He could not continue through with the same fight again and he just had enough and he left. Derek had not meant for his leaving that night to be the end of it but that is what it became. Both of them were so stubborn. The night was hazy to Derek. It happened really bloody fast. It was just... they were together one moment and the next, it was all over. And he hadn't realized that until a few days later. He had been chatting with his roommate. When he had asked Derek what had happened since, Derek told him the truth, neither Alex or him had seemed to attempt to make contact. Derek had thought about it for a bit before he realized, him walking out... that was their break up. Depression hit. He fucked up yet again. He fucked up everything. Why was it he could not keep one person in his life who cared about him? Birth parents gave him up, adoptive parents died, the man who ran the orphanage beat, imprisoned, isolated and starved him, Meg left him to sell her soul to Hollywood, Artie disappeared into her life as a Valk girl, and Alex? Alex scared him so bad he himself walked away. He regretted it. He didn't think he was wrong in the fight though.

------ It was getting ridiculous how fast his mind was buzzing through these thoughts as he heard Alex speak up again, "yeah great. i've been getting a few more gigs around town. tim's still in hospital though but he should be getting out soon." Derek nodded, see everyone got hurt! "That's good." he replied wishing it didn't sound so generic. Tim was her cousin. He had met him but never really talked to the man. There was silence for a few moments, a thick, heavy loud form of silence until the receptionist called out a name that made him look up for a moment, thinking it was him. "Darren!" He looked back straight ahead of him sort of blankly. "This is worse than waiting for a doctor's appointment," His accent hitting it's strength on the words 'doctor' and 'appointment'. He forced his urge to scoff, "It should not be this hard just to sit near each other in a room." He said plainly but honestly. He was never one to lie.

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; derex ftw!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'letters from the sky' by Civil Twilight
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; sorry it's late, but yay

[alexandra leslie suresh]

IT ALL BROKE DOWN AND THE STORY OF
US LOOKS A LOT LIKE A TRAGEDY NOW

- - - - -

the funny thing was that alexandra and derek actually had a lot in common so you would think they'd be a perfect match and they'd get along fine because they would understand each other so well. it was established very early on that neither side of the now ex-couple were particularly skilled in opening up to people. while alex had no clue why derek had this problem, hers was obvious of course. it was hard to open up to people when you were harboring an enormous secret about your past and your family. opening up to people meant having to talk about yourself to a certain extent and that usually lead to people asking about alex's past and where she came from. honestly she really didn't want to have to relive those days in hinesville when she would come up to a drunk father passed out on the couch. no one needed to hear about that any more than alex needed to think about it. of course whenever she tried to change the topic and move the conversation along, most people just didn't get the hint and pushed for answers. they all claimed that knowing people's history was important to learn about the other person or some other stupid excuse. sure, her past had definitely made her the person she was now but that wasn't necessarily a good thing. being secretive and slightly paranoid, not to mention the post-trauma-stress-disorder she was still working on.

so with all of that sitting in the back of her mind consistently even if she wasn't conscious of it, it would seem like common sense to assume that if someone else was struggling to open up too, then maybe they were dealing with some heavy stuff too just like her. so naturally she would be able to understand and let them be. so why hadn't that happened with derek? how on earth had alex turned into 'that' girl who pushed someone for answers? the kind of person she used to hate because they pissed her off. how had that happened? even though it sounded completely absurd, the only reason alex could come up with was that maybe it was because she just liked him that much and she wanted to really feel like she knew him. because honestly alex didn't really know much about derek when she met him and he seemed kind of mysterious so it seemed natural to try and find out who this guy was before she actually gave him her heart and opened up to him. it was crazy, she knew that. trying to make him open up while refusing to do the same thing herself but alex didn't care. she was stubborn and she wasn't going to give up unless she got some kind of answer.

not that it got her very far. despite everyone telling her that if she kept pushing him, things would end badly, she continued pushing him. and indeed she knew it couldn't end well. she of all people knew that sometimes secrets were better left exactly as they were. as secrets. but at the same time, what if there was something important about derek that he was keeping from her that could ruin everything? surely it was better to learn it sooner rather than later when she was already in too deep. alex had watched her older cousin nina's relationship fall apart when her boyfriend jules discovered that nina hadn't been completely honest with herself, leaving jules to wonder if anything in that relationship had been real. a small part of alex couldn't help wondering if the same thing could happen to her and derek. that was the problem with alex. she didn't mean to be but there was a sense of paranoia that followed her in every part of her life, especially when it came to men. what a cliche, the girl with daddy issues ruining all of her relationships.

still, being ever the stubborn one, alex pushed the blame onto derek rather than blaming herself. derek was the one who stormed out in the middle of that argument that ended it all. how immature of him. all the same, deep down alex knew she hadn't handled things very well either. she hadn't meant to start an argument but she had just reached that frustration boiling point and everything just burst out. before she knew it, it was several days later and she still hadn't seen him. of course alex knew a break-up when she saw one and hadn't bothered to call but part of her had hoped derek might pick up the phone and ring or even stop off at the house or anything but of course he hadn't. so that was that. another bad bunch of memories courtesy of alex and her paranoia. oh life was a bitch sometimes. sitting in the thick silence one seat away from derek, alex couldn't help thinking that bitter thought. what had she done to deserve all of this? she was a nice person, she was kind and considered others most of the time. she didn't deserve all of this pain. waiting for derek to say something, anything, alex bit her lip and glanced down at her magazine, not taking in any of the words on the page. "darren!" alex's head snapped up another voice, "damn it." she sighed as she slumped back into her seat. speaking of pain, this was one of the most painful experiences she'd had, possibly even trumping the earthquake. "It should not be this hard just to sit near each other in a room." as derek spoke alex raised an eyebrow. for a moment she just held her breath, hesitating. was she going to stoop to that bitchy ex-girlfriend level that made the snarky comments because she was too afraid to be honest? that had never been the type of girl alex considered herself to be. alex was mature and took the high road in situations like this. but alex had changed a lot over the years and he was making it just too easy. "well feel free to run out of the room any time. we both know you're excellent at that." her voice was practically void of emotion apart from a hint of bitterness as she stared hard at the wall.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; derex !
TIME/PLACE; afternoon / advisor's office, valkyrie university
CREDITS; lyrics by taylor swift. banner by JOECAT at caution v.2.
OUTFIT; tada.
NOTES; haha oh i love derex <3 we really do need to plot them out more!

- - - - -

[/size]

[derek oliver stanwood]

------------------------------------------

------ The truth... the truth was an interesting thing wasn't it? I mean, Derek had always considered himself a terrible liar. He got all nervous when telling a lie. And because of this, he also always considered himself a very honest, straight forward person. So did Meg, so did most everyone who knew Derek. But that was only half true. Derek was horrible at telling lies but there is another type of lie that is recognized as litigated falsehood and that is lying through omission. One has to tell the truth, the WHOLE truth and nothing but the truth after all. And while Derek never tells a lie, he is a fabulous liar through omission. But who doesn't lie through omission? Everyone does it. No one walks up to someone new and when they ask a little about your background, expects the other person to roll out the red carpet and give them a behind the scenes tour of their past. It's just not done, it never is. Although, I will admit, Derek Oliver Stanwood has mastered it to a whole new level. But in his mind, his level did not even compare to the level ms Alexandra Leslie Suresh was on. After all, she kept her past quiet while trying to force someone else to tell theirs. Which was why Derek walked out that night. He was not sure it was the right choice in that situation. Why? Simple.

------ He adored her.

------ He still did. Derek had been a mess after the break up but what was he supposed to do? Go back, explain, apologize. How could he do that in good conscience when he firmly believed he had the right to? Backing down was never something Derek was very good at. He was stubborn. But that didn't mean he didn't miss her. Something else? She was... she had been his first. Yeah as in first time having sex. And yeah, while tons of guys tried to play it off like their first time was no big deal, it was never true because the truth was, no matter who you are, you always remember your first time. Derek had always been the type of guy who wanted to wait. He was never in a hurry to "get laid." Or "be the man." He wanted it to be with someone who he cared about and thought he would be with for a very long time. Well one out of two isn't that bad. They were together for enough time to be considered serious but they weren't together for the length of time that Derek had suspected. The real problem was, no matter how much he tried to say he did, or convince himself he did, Derek did not blame Alex for what happened. He blamed his birth parents who decided they didn't want him OR Meg because his ears were too big. He blamed the car that hit and killed his real parents, the Stanwoods. He blamed the social worker who split him and Meg up. He blamed Meg. He blamed his dyslexia. He blamed Mr. Squires, the man who ran the orphanage.

------ Mr. Squires was an angry, bitter man who seemed to hate kids more than he hated being sober. He was brutal and strict with the children, explaining their very passive and unnaturally well behaved display they put on when around the woman dropping off Derek. They were all verbally and physically abused, more than harshly. Squires was simply horrible to them, perhaps not like he was breaking ribs with each blow but you get my point. Derek and the other children bonded very tightly. There was probably a group of 9 there. They were each other's life lines, all going through the same thing. They were of all ages, and they all told stories their parents or uncles or aunts or whoever used to tell them about knights and codes of honor and the stories fascinated Derek. He kept them close and they helped keep him sane. From them, he developed a bit of a heart of gold complex. He would try to save the other kids, even the older ones by getting their "jailer" to focus on him. He was brave and self sacrificing for the other kids because in those tales of chivalry, that's what a knight was supposed to do. But because of this, Derek was given little to nothing in basic luxuries, like books or playing outside instead of cleaning bathrooms. The poor boy got it brought down hard on him but if you had asked him then if he regretted taking the blame for that other boy, he would tell you no. He would still tell you no. He felt better feeling like the truly good one, in a chivalrous and arthurian sort of way.

------ It ended causing the longest year of his life. And maybe it gave him too much confidence in his own character, or robbed him of what little he had left but he didn't blame Alex for why they broke up. He only blamed her for nitpicking the breakup slide open for the break up to happen. Or maybe that was the same thing? God he was so confused. It all just happened so fast. And now here they were, slowed down to the point of the seconds hand of the clock ticking backwards, sitting together, feeling uncomfortable. "well feel free to run out of the room any time. we both know you're excellent at that." Derek looked over his shoulder at her and chuckled slightly. "Really?" He asked her, "That's how you are going to handle this?" He shook his head and exhaled a bit looking forward again, looking no where in particular. "I would have thought you better than that... after all, aren't you all about sharing?"

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; derex ftw!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'letters from the sky' by Civil Twilight
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; sorry it's late, but I really love them.

[alexandra leslie suresh]

IT ALL BROKE DOWN AND THE STORY OF
US LOOKS A LOT LIKE A TRAGEDY NOW

- - - - -

The funny thing is that given a few more weeks, alex would have been completely up for spilling the truth of her dark past to derek. in her mind, they had been getting closer to that point which was why she had constnatly been pushing derek to open up first. several times she had even had the urge to just spill everything, particularly after she had taken that trip down to visit her father a few months ago. it had been quite draining and alex knew she couldn't tell tim because he would flip out knowing that she'd seen him without anyone else around.instead, as soon as alex got back to valkyrie she'd wanted to go straight to derek and tell him everything. of course she hadn't though. she'd decided it wasn't the right time for him to hear all about her tragic past because they were getting to a good stage in their relationship where the last thing she needed was pity from him. instead, alex, knowing that derek was hiding something too, decided that he needed to open up to her first. in her strange mind, hearing him open up to her first was like a little test to see if he could trust her because if he was able to open up to her than that meant he cared about her and that meant she would be able to trust him right back. it was confusing but it made sense in the young brunette's head. of course it probably would have been a smarter idea to actually tell derek this but silly alex naturally thought that telling him would probably start up another argument. of course it didn't matter either way because they'd ended up in that final argument anyway which had lead to the uncomfortable silence she was sitting in now, barely a metre away from derek.

Still, alex didn't completely regret her actions. sure she'd been slightly hypercritical but who hasn't had one of those moments? surely just because she wanted him to be a man and speak up first, that didn't have to result in a break-up. but what was done was done and alex wasn't going to go grovelling to derek. that had never been the kind of person alex considered herself to be and she wasn't about to change her values just because of one guy. no, alex was too stubborn for that. but then again derek was a fairly stubborn person too which why they had obviously reached the moot point with neither one willing to give in. to be honest, alex was surprised the relationship had lasted as long as it had with their two strong personalities. but they had complemeted each other well and bonded over the fact that neither of them were particularly big partiers and preferred talking to getting drunk and losing control of themselves. derek was certainly a rare guy to find and alex admitted, she doubted she'd find someone quite as good as he had been. not to mention he'd been her first and that was something that had also strengthened their bond, as cheesy as it sounds. knowing that it was the first time for both of them had made that night even more special for alex. it was like she was one step closer to fully opening up to derek. one step closer to being the most honest she'd ever been to anyone.

But none of that mattered now. all of the special memories alex had been treasuring were all wasted now and she was back to square one with no intention whatsoever of opening up to derek. especially after everything that had happened. rather than making her smile, the memories of hanging out with derek just made her cringe and get annoyed at everything all over again. and now she'd just discovered that apparently even just being around derek riled her emotions up. some people, such as her aunt for instance, would and had said that was obviously because there was still unresolved feelings between them but alex easily brushed that idea away. clearly it was because she just hated ending a relationship on bad terms with herself in the bad light. or at least that's how she perceived it. sure, in her mind this was hardly alex's fault but she was fairly sure derek didn't think along the same line as her given the way he'd lost it at her the night he walked out on their relationship. and he hadn't even bothered to call the next day to discuss things, hadn't bothered to drop around or bumped into her at all. it wasn't like alex had made the effort either but considering derek had walked out first, alex had assumed he'd contact her after he'd had time to cool down and maybe she might have even opened up to him. unlikely but now she'd never know. she was left wondering a thousand 'what if's, all the while hating the feeling of being seen as the bad guy and not being able to change his mind.

Now sitting so close to derek, she'd never felt more distant and far away. alex's eyes were now practically glued to the clock which seemed to have frozen in time as she mentally begged time to just speed up so she could get this stupid meeting over and done with and get out of the awkward situation she'd been thrown into right now. hearing derek chuckle at her comment, alex kept her eyes on the clock, glaring at it rather than turning to look at derek. that was only going to make her even angrier and who knew what she would do then."That's how you are going to handle this?" alex chose to remain quiet at that, silently seething. honestly, it wasn't like he was making it any easier on her. what did he expect her to do? fall at his feet begging for forgiveness? at derek's last remark, alex couldn't help letting out a small scoff as she pulled her eyes from the seemingly frozen clock and raised an eyebrow at derek again, clearly unamused. "and how exactly do you propose i handle this? you walked out and didn't even bother calling or anything. trust me, i'm being extremely civil compared to how i could be. so sue me, i just wanted to get to know you. my bad." having said far more than she'd planned to when derek first walked in, alex sunk back into her chair and returned to staring at the clock, her arms folded tightly across her chest. great, now he probably hated her even more. just what alex needed today.

- - - - -

TAGGED TO; derex !
TIME/PLACE; afternoon / advisor's office, valkyrie university
CREDITS; lyrics by taylor swift. banner by JOECAT at caution v.2.
OUTFIT; tada.
NOTES; augh took forever but augh i love these two <3

- - - - -

[/size]

[derek oliver stanwood]

------------------------------------------

------ Neither of the Stanwood Twins had an easy life after being split apart and sent to different homes. Derek had been sent to the orphanage from hell and almost was killed from the extent of the abuse. Meg went to a very different kind of place. She was adopted immediately and went to live with a very wealthy family in Sussex. Meg was taken out, adopted by the Wickhams. They already had a young son who was just a few years older than Meg. That was the last time the twins saw each other again for a very long time. In Sussex, Meg was set up to have the best of everything. The Wickhams' home was a mansion. It stood tall and wide with fields and courtyards all in their reach and the best part was the stables. Beautiful stables with beautiful horses. Everything there was what she wanted except for her brother. Now here's the thing. They were four when they separated. It only took about a year or two for both her and Derek to forget they even had a sibling, let alone a twin. Meg was given all new things, Derek was going through hell. They just forgot. They were children. Now growing up with the Wickhams was no completely tragic life story. They never hid from her that she was adopted, in fact, they seemed to repeatedly remind her. They always had enough food for her, clothes, etc. She got the best schooling and everything and that was that. The family was not the warmest. She was like a million other privileged kids, with all the money in the world to play with but no one around to hang out with, no parents to console them when they hurt their knee. She was alone for the most part. At least at home. Derek knew Meg well, she was not the type to not have a million friends. She was always the popular girl, he was the one who had some issues fitting in, especially after he had been locked up.

------ Moving on with Meg's half of the story... on her Tenth birthday, she got attention and she didn't want it, her adoptive father brought her into the entrance hall and lead her through to their son's room, their birth son, and he told her that they were going to marry one day. Of course at ten she knew what that meant, they hadn't adopted her because they wanted a daughter. They adopted her because they wanted to make sure they would have a daughter-in-law and grandchildren even with a son like their's. Now Derek knew Meg had refused but he hadn't realized she had been hit because of it. He just knew they refused to take her "No" seriously in the slightest. Derek also knew her "father" threatened to kill her if she hadn't cooperated. When she was twelve, on her birthday, her "dad" said she got to celebrate by becoming a woman and making his son a man. He locked her in a room and the now seventeen year old had the first girl in his bed, a twelve year old terrified of dying. It was all such crap. Doesn't the government ever look where they're putting these kids? He was left with a psycho who starved him and beat him. His sister was sent to be some rich boy's future wife. The system will take a kid out of a home because the parents died and the child's twenty year old sister has to work two jobs to support them and they're just barely scraping by, and then they'll put that child into a foster home that beats the crap out of them if they so much as look out the window in the wrong way. How does that make sense as a more secure living environment?

------ The system was incredibly flawed and tough to survive for anyone in any country. And it is something that, was hard to understand unless you had lived in the system. That was one of the reasons he didn't tell people about it. Sad looks of pity that didn't mean a damn thing held no interest for him. He briefly glanced over at Alex whose eyes were clearly fixed on the clock. Derek clenched his jaw slightly as he looked around the rest of the room as she began to speak. "and how exactly do you propose i handle this?" Derek looked back over at her. He expected her to make some meaningless, maybe sarcastic comment about how being in the room was awkward and maybe start up a friendly conversation like he was trying to do. He expected her to have gotten over enough of this mess in the past few months that they could start over as friends with this conversation as a step. He expected her to handle this with civility. But Derek kept his mouth shut on that. "you walked out and didn't even bother calling or anything. trust me, i'm being extremely civil compared to how i could be. so sue me, i just wanted to get to know you. my bad."

------ Derek nodded for a moment as he took in her words. Maybe Americans had a different idea of what it meant to be civil? He shifted his weight in the seat slightly to look at her better. He did his best to ignore the near by magazine with his sister on the cover, just one other thing he hadn't told her. "Don't you think you are being just a bit hypocritical here?" He asked plainly, his accent coming through stronger than usual as he attempted to keep emotions subsided. "I never got any calls either. I walked out of that room because I needed to get away from you for the moment. I assumed you would call, you assumed I would call. That's it." He shook his head slightly and scoffed turning back around in his seat. He exhaled and paused, thinking he was done when he remembered on other thing he needed to say. He turned his head, "And you did know me. And I knew you. Our pasts didn't matter. History is just the why, not the way."

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; derex ftw!
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'letters from the sky' by Civil Twilight
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; Love them.