``TERRIFIED

[wendy "widow" moira hughes]

------------------------------------------

------ The world had just stopped for Wendy Hughes. Widow as she is called by most. The day had begun normal enough until Liz, Donny and Orion began to hammer her on the reasons she was still in Valkyrie. And they had been right, she wasn't just staying to torment Liz. Besides, it had become clear she was bored with it. The thing is, Wid had hated her home in Chicago ever since her dad raped her. She couldn't feel clean enough even after showering for hours and scratching at her skin so bad it turned beat red and she had to catch herself before she made herself bleed. Ever time she slept in her own bed, nausea returned. She simply couldn't be there anymore. The small group of rebel sirens down in this strange southern California town offered her an escape and after all, that's how she looked at everything. Everything had to be an escape. She needed to be away, she was not breathing there. And why couldn't she just tell them that? Liz is a good person, as is Orion. Donny was, or he seemed to be, there was something very dark in Donny. Widow knew it would be released somehow, one day. But he had his loyalties and while the others never felt any loyalty or warmth to Widow, Donny and her had always been friends. But anyways, you would think they would have been fine with that reasoning. The problem was, they were all Sirens, born and raised. There was no way they would have given her that chance and honestly? She wasn't quite willing to admit to how much she had hated her life. It's not like life had gotten to a fabulous level now but she wasn't working here and that was enough of a change to keep her happy.

------ Not going to lie, once upon a time, Widow actually got a sick enjoyment out of her work for grandaddy, but after what happened with her father, after learning what kind of many he was, that being a sick psycho to an extent she has yet to know, all of sudden the job began to make her feel dirty. Not the sex part, but the use of sex to kill or distract or usage. She had begun to get sick a lot. She had a few people thinking she was bulimic, she had to have. Which was stupid at the same time. Widow was very finicky about her appearance. Always had been. She would never make herself sick purposefully. Eating disorders might make you thin but they also strip you of your curves and make your skin grow peach fuzz everywhere and your hair to fall out and massive circles you can't get rid of without hundreds of pounds of make up. There was no way she was ever going to be like that. Gross. She personally liked her breasts as well as loved her hair. She just focused on exorcise and eating right. But back to the point, she was getting sick a lot. Not because of any virus, air born or otherwise. But after each completed job, when she was alone and home, she couldn't hold down anything in her stomach, whether it be food or simply stomach acid. Long way to say it but the simplest thing to say was, she was unhappy and needed a change, so she came to Valkyrie to change her life. She may not be the white picket fence, two point five kids type but she was not a killer for life type either.

------ Widow didn't know who she was. It was like she was two people. Widow, the vain party girl, and Wendy, the goofy girl who actually cared about people and she was in a constant battle with both of them and you know what? She was truly both of them. She really did hold the beliefs and ideals of both girls and it confused her to no end because one couldn't be happy without the other having a fit. And the issue was not uncommon to her in this group. Orion was a protective, golden hearted brother type, AND a brooding, angry, terrifying type. Liz was a sarcastic, bitter, angry girl AND a lonely heart astronomy nerd. Donny was a warm hearted geek AND a bad ass computer hacker. The only one of them who was completely comfortable with herself was Isabel Davis. It was like, no matter what happened, she knew who she was and everything was going to be okay. No one could take that from her. And she was the one to be murdered, alone on the street. Not Widow, who had killed and caused so much pain. Not Orion who followed orders like a robot. Not Liz who had actually been the one to commit the crime that brought this hell upon them... No it was Isabel. The only girl Wid had ever admired. She might have some raging jealousy against Liz but admiration was something else. Widow looked at Izzy and couldn't help but smile a bit. She saw Isabel's art and was amazed how she could be so happy and positive and still create something so deep and now she was holding a photograph in her hand of Iz in some alleyway, shot right in the head, in a pool of her own blood, while Donny walked out, followed by Liz.

------ What was she supposed to do? Orion, worried, went after Liz. Wid just sat in the apartment, on the couch starring at the image. She wasn't crying, just looking at the picture intently when she heard a sound outside the door. She looked out of the door and saw Orion, sitting, leaned against the wall in the hallway. He had no luck in finding Liz and was definitely on edge, which probably wasn't helped when Riley Turner came around questioning Liz's whereabouts. To this day, Widow remained the only other person in the world that knew the truth that Riley was why her father was dead. That Liz had killed Darren to save this man's life. It was the only promise she intended to keep for Liz, she wasn't saying a word. But she did wish he would take that blessing and leave them alone. Orion and her just sort of gave him the brush off before going back into the apartment. Widow shut the door behind them as Orion plopped himself down on the couch looking exhausted. Widow just stood there, the photo still in her hand. She looked at it again. "It's not going to change Wid." She heard a gruff voice speak. Looking up at Orion, Widow nodded, "I know." was all she could manage before taking a deep breath and nodding. Back to business, there was another set of Sirens that needed to know about this. "I have to go tell Jasper and Liv." She said plainly, her voice weaker than usual. Orion stood up nodding. He walked over to her as she grabbed her keys and he put a hand on her shoulder. That's all it was but it was probably the first genuine moment between her and her young uncle. She touched his hand and patted it slightly before exiting the apartment. Silent emotion was all she could ever handle.

------ Soon Widow was standing in front of the Richardson's apartment door. Terrified of the coming exchange. She knocked on the door, photo now wrinkled in her hands. She took a deep breath, praying she didn't look too flushed. Her breathing stopped as her biggest weakness and fear opened the door. She just looked at Jasper for a moment before looking down at the hand she had the photo clenched in. "Is Liv here?" She asked first, obviously troubled. She took a few breaths before adding, "There's something you guys should both.... you should both know..." She finished, holding out the photo for him, wishing more than anything he would hug her close but still knowing the complications of that, it wouldn't happen.

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; wisper<3
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'terrified' by Widow Katharine McPhee
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; omgomgomg yay

[jasper grey richardson]

JASPER GREY RICHARDSON
AS WE WALK IN THE DIMMING LIGHT OH DARLING
UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING ENDS

. . . . . . .

There wasn’t much that surprised Jasper Grey anymore; he had, for lack of a better cliche, seen it all. He didn’t get chills up and down his arms anymore, he didn’t pull a shocked expressions, because quite frankly he never was shocked. It seemed heartless, inhuman even, to think that he was unamused with what he did for a living. The nineteen year old, in the eleven years of being in the business had executed more people that some inmates in federal penitentiaries, but alas, he was bored of it. Perhaps is was a certain type of depression, to take no feelings out of taking a life, but here he was, in such a sinning predicament. It was like this one article her read, about some actor who self diagnosed depression in themselves because they felt it was all a nuisance, driving in a monster truck rally. Despite the dangerous crashing and crumbling of metal and enlarged vehicles flying through rings of fire and landing on other vehicles, this actor felt nothing. He did not feel joy, he did not feel the adrenaline, he did not even feel fear. That was something dangerous, the inability to feel fear. Sure in fairy tales we like to highlight the valiant efforts of the prince when he heroically saves a damsel in damned distress, rising above fear and loathing to protect the one they supposedly love, but really, that is a terrifying thought. Not that he wasn’t valiant, but Jasper found that to stay alive, to feel alive, there must be that fear, of death, of love, something that made sure you weren’t just another mindless drone. Jasper was very particular of his brand of fictional hero, and it was partly because they were fictional, and another because fear, as much as stories told us that we should be above it, symbolized our humanity. He felt a true hero was someone who, even though were scared until they soiled themselves, did what had to be done in spite of it, not because they weren’t able to feel fear anymore. It was a double edged sword to him, this hero business, and the boy knew he was far from it as figuratively possible.

He was no hero, he hardly felt anything that made him human anymore and he hated himself for that. There was no guilt in his actions, there was no mercy in his eyes any longer. It wasn’t always this way with him, he wasn’t always as ruthless as he was as of late. The boy used to be afraid, he used to become sick of himself after each ‘assignment’ he completed, disgusted by the monster who had pulled the trigger, taking a life. Something in his soul died, on the first kill he did. It wasn’t anything spectacular, but after his father saw that Jasper would rarely ever miss a shot, he was sent on a mission of sorts. He was supposed to send a message to those who owed his father money that until the debt was done, they were in his hand, at his disposal. It was a vicious circle, anyone who has ever borrowed cash, or dealt with money around his father always seemed to wind up injured or dead. It was unpleasant, to say the least. Jasper was fourteen at the time, usually a time where boys his age would be going out for baseball practice or finally clueing in that girls weren’t icky but rather fun, but he wasn’t a part of those adolescent milestones. He had his own family’s traditions to live up to. It was around eight in the evening, when he had broken into this gambler’s shitty apartment. The gambler, whose name he never found out, would be coming home in about an hour, Jasper had some time on his hands.

He didn’t mean to pry, hell, he also didn’t mean to arrive an hour early, but the more he looked through the faded apartment, the more pieces of a family he found. A small, cracked family picture, with Gambler holding a baby and someone Jasper assumed would have been his significant other, with her hand on his shoulder. She sort of looked like his mother, that smile made him ache. It was at this point when Gambler came through the door, drunker than a skunk in March and Jasper just sat down in an armchair as he walked past, sitting opposing the young Richardson. It was a clean shot, two to the heart, one to the head, but Gambler’s eyes, the way he still was afraid of death, no matter how much of a brave exterior he put on, still haunted Jasper. It wasn’t until some years later that Jasper found some sick beauty of the situation, how a man could so readily be awaiting death and yet still be afraid of his life being taken from him.

Once in a while now, Gambler would visit his dreams, reminding him of that night. Those were few and far in between, losing his sense. But now, he was just another soulless soldier, and he forgot what and who he was fighting for. There were just some people who did things like him, just because. No reason, stripped of any emotion now. However, as much as he liked to believed he could never feel, there was always Wendy. He felt about her, something he never thought a person like him could feel. But it was a pipe dream, it was something even more dangerous than what he did for a dirty living. And here she was, standing in his doorway. This couldn’t be good. “Ah yeah, come in,” coughing lightly, he stepped aside from the doorway, making room for her in the small living space. Something was off, he knew immediately something was wrong, it didn’t take a speech analyst to know that Wendy’s voice was weaker, sad even, “What’s wrong?” But before he could get an answer, he grasped at the photograph Wendy held. He narrowed his eyes at the pic, not being able to put things together as he thought the girl looked a lot like... “No.. not Iz...” Muttering in an airy voice, he couldn’t look away from the picture in his hand. He knew he was a monster for doing the things he did, but this was Izzy, and to kill her was like killing a mockingbird; all they did was sing pretty things. But at that moment, Olivia spoke up from the couch, concern filtering through her voice, “Jas, what’s wrong?” Instantaneously, the boy crumpled his hand, concealing the picture. She asked again, and he heard her getting up from the couch and wander towards them, “Liv... It’s...” He couldn’t finish his sentence. What was he going to say? How was he going to say it. Liv and Iz were inseparable, they nearly seemed like sisters. Liv spoke this time, vaguely looking over Widow and to Jasper’s furled fingers, “Show me the picture.” He hesitated. Of course he did, Jasper didn’t want to be the one to tell his beloved little sister that her best friend was dead, execution style. Olivia grasped his shoulder, pulling him to face her. He couldn’t, he kept glancing at his bunched up fist, the edges of the photograph peeking out. Speaking louder, her voice ringed in his ears as he looked up at his sister, “Show me, Jasper.” When he released his fist, the polaroid unfolded into a wrinkled mess, it didn’t damage the picture. However, the damage was done to Liv, who shuffled the picture into her own hands before she slid past Widow, leaving the apartment.

His heartbeat seemed to drown out everything in the apartment, the television, the clock, everything. This was not what he thought was going to happen today, he didn’t think the day would go from mediocre to downright catastrophic. He had no words, not like he had a plethora of words on any other given occasion, but right now, at this moment, he was experiencing that event where one was truly rendered speechless. The only thing that kept going in his head was how the marksmanship was so familiar, the cold, callous way of taking Izzy out was familiar. It was one of their own, mind you not one of the rebel sirens, but it was siren work, he knew it. The picture of her death was burned into his brain, engraved there as every breath he took felt like a conscious thought. He backed away from the doorway, sitting on the couch where Liv was. This still seemed so surreal to him, even as he spoke, ”When did you find out about...” He still couldn’t finish his sentence, this was almost too much of a shell shock to him. For someone who was hardly shocked, this shook him to his core, this was far to deep of a cut to ignore.

. . . . . . .

NOTES: this breaks my heart already.
STATUS complete!
TAGGED wisper <3
ATTIRE jasper
CREDITS format and graphics to yours truly.
LYRICS "meet me at the equinox" by death cab for cutie

[wendy "widow" moira hughes]

------------------------------------------

------ It was strange for Widow to show any emotion to anyone, unless you count "bitch" as an emotion. Or maybe she would show envy and lust. But for the most part, the girl was cold. Widow was not going to claim she was a good person, she wasn't. She was no where near close to a good person. She never claimed to be. Forget the partying and the drinking, the sex, her evil went deeper. It came from her kills. She had killed men. Liz had killed her father, Widow was still angry about his death but she was never angry at Liz for it, Liz's one and only kill was a man who was about to kill someone else, he was fighting them when she killed him. Whether it seemed like it, Liz fought fair. It was Darren who was the dirty fighter and he had taught his daughter to fight dirty too. You know what sixty percent of the men she killed were doing at the moment she took their life? Having Sex, or about to have sex. The other forty percent were asleep, exhausted from having just had sex. Wid would wait... and make them vulnerable before taking them out. No warning, no chance to fight back or defend themselves. It is not that she felt too sorry for these men. Most of them, if not all of them deserved death, rapists, murderers, the whole lot of them but what made her hate her actions so greatly was the fact that she for a long time, not only did she not regret it, she enjoyed it. She was dishonorable, and evil, and sick. She was cheap. Like previously stated, her father changed everything those two nights he visited her room.

------ And even though, she had stopped her type of working, the killing and just being a present or deal sealer (sexually), and would rather die than go back to it, she was still cold to everyone. She was cruel to anyone who didn't fit her idea of physical standards(which meant more style and hygiene than weight or hair type). It was against her nature to tell someone she cared about them. She showed affection through mockery and sometimes crossed lines, pretending not to care that she hurt their feelings. But if she was even the slightest bit angry, she amped it up and tried to be more hurtful. Her walls were her enemies... but they were also her only friends. But when she saw that picture of Isabel, she felt it too much too suddenly to hide it, especially with the partially emotional fight that happened just before the picture arrived. She couldn't play it off like it was nothing. Sometimes things are just too strong. Why do you think it was always easier for her to act frustrated with Jasper? She couldn't pretend there was nothing, and since she was frustrated with herself for feeling so much for him, it was easy to turn it onto him. Or at least, easier. Widow stepped inside the apartment as he opened the door wider and stepped off. She waited as he shut the door, she saw Olivia on the couch, Widow for the life of her could not find the words to speak so she was thankful when Jasper actually grabbed the photo from her. See, Liv and Iz were very good friends. They were similar and understood each other better than most of the others.

------ It nearly broke her hear to see the look on Jasper's face as he looked at the photograph. She walked slowly further into the apartment, eyes at her feet, not knowing how to deal with this as Liv forced her brother to show her the picture before she left the apartment in a hurry, taking the picture with her. There seemed to be a lot of people doing that now. Just leaving apartments without saying where they were going, when they would be back and no one else could do a thing. Widow took a step towards Jasper, but he was already over to the couch, sitting down where Olivia had just recently been. She let the emotional silence sit there as it felt heavy and was hard to breath in. How many more times was God doing to do shit like this to them? Why them? Why anyone? Widow leaned against a small dining table and crossed her arms over her chest staring at the door Liv had just ran out of. Should they go after her? Orion had looked for Liz, but Widow thought, maybe he was more worried, because no matter how you spin in... Izzy being dead was a direct result of her killing of Darren. Widow turned and looked back at Jasper as the silence just grew heavier before he finally broke it. ”When did you find out about...”.

------ The curvier brunette pushed herself off from the table so she was standing straight. She nervously rubbed her hands on her hips down a small portion of the side of her thighs, a nervous habit of her's. She walked over to the couch on which Jasper was already. She might have sat an inch or so closer to him than she would have normally done. She didn't do that on purpose though, just happened. She took a deep breath and nodded, "About a half hour ago... they umm... they left it in a gift box at our door. Or should I say, Liz and Orion's door." Wid tried saying as calmly as she could. She turned her head to look at him sitting there. As hurt as she was right then, she wished there was something she could do to make him worry less. She glanced down at his hands as she spoke again, "Donny's eyes got darker than I'd ever seen them before he left... Liz admitted it was all her fault and walked out. Orion looked for her but couldn't find her... I just... I just came here." She watched his breathing a bit before she reached out and gently grasped his hand without thinking. His hand felt warm, soft with a few rough patches as you would find on any man who worked for a living. She let her fingers intertwine with his as she starred right at their hands, as if she was confused how her hand was working on it's own without her brains permission. And after this, she just felt like fleeing too.

------ But she didn't. In fact, she hadn't even let go of his hand. Her breathing had become deeper as her nerves grew and her brain was being drown out by how much she just needed to be here with him now. Wid swallowed nervously as she looked back at his face catching his eye contact and then it didn't take long for something else to happen that would change everything. She only needed to look into those eyes for a couple seconds before her body leaned in and pressed her lips against his, interlocking them together. She had her first kiss with this boy. Her first kiss was also the only kiss in her life that ever meant anything... until now.... and it was still with Jasper.

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; wisper<3
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'terrified' by Widow Katharine McPhee
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; way to break my heart

[jasper grey richardson]

JASPER GREY RICHARDSON
AS WE WALK IN THE DIMMING LIGHT OH DARLING
UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING ENDS

. . . . . . .

It has always perplexed Jasper that the key elements of his personality were still in tact with him, even though most of his humanity seemed to seep away from him, fading into the blowing wind. He always wondered why even in the toughest of times, he was the bright shining image of a protective brother. It all led back to when he was about ten years old, a scrawny little kid with a nearly signature disheveled mane. But before that revelation could be revealed, he should delve into his family history a little bit. It had been two years since he moved into the large home with his father and a lot of siblings. There was a time where he knew a fair bit about his siblings, but lately he couldn’t care less. The oldest of the Richardson brood was Hugo and his twin Celeste. They were two sides of the same sword, cruel and ruthless and yet when his eldest sister wasn’t looking down her nose at you, she was oddly caring and nice. Hugo... from what Jasper could recall, he was horrible, but then again, Jasper never really interacted with him very much in the first place. The grand total of times he had seen his eldest brother was five, including the two times in the previous year in which he had to work with him for some lowly ‘assignment.’ The rest of his siblings, with a few exceptions such as his sister Olivia and a few cousins, weren’t people he chose to talk about. However, he knew each one by name, and still knew some things that almost made them human. it was odd to think that now, they were all heartless and just as lonely, that was something of a trend among the people in his family.

The aching loneliness that came with the job, no matter how much one denied it, and boy, did the majority of his family ever, it was an ever present gloom. It was as if there was a fog drizzled over everything, that lingering feeling like a black cat winding around your leg that you just cannot shake off. But that was just something Jasper was all too familiar with. He never dared to admit to it though. He was a little prideful he supposed, to be in charge of his feelings in such a manner, but he needed something to control as a lot of things he couldn’t. It wasn’t that he was in dire need of control, but he could never handle any outward emotions very nicely. At hugs, he stiffened and shuddered a little, unless it was Liv who would hug anything and anyone. She was always the more relaxed and hands on sibling. However, as of late he became slightly (emphasis on the smallness of that word) with physical touch. Hugging was not met with a rigorous shutter.... it was calming to know he wasn’t a complete wreck of a human being. Until now.

Jasper couldn’t help but to taste something vile in his mouth as he wondered over and over again why it had to be Isabel. He could not fathom the reasoning....Though he knew who he was dealing with... it was far more effective if it was someone like Izzy. “Absolutely disgusting.” He spat, those words had never been more drenched in malice than they were now. He looked away from the couch for the first time since hearing the news and vaguely looked out the window. That was just a place to rest his eyes, for all he could see was Izzy. It was still a shock to his system, the image of Izzy’s body lying in some lowly gutter in the photograph burned into his mind. He knew he should have trusted his gut feeling. No, he wasn’t saying that he predicted that one of the most kind hearted people he has ever known in his life would have been killed in a nasty showdown of fleeting power; but he knew this couldn’t last. The Lone Richardson had that lingering suspicion, the way things were going, all happily and smiles (that was relative, he supposed, but the point was that things were far more bearable and less...siren-induced than they were usually) with thoughts and dreams of a legitimate life in normalcy. That was just an illusion, something that could never be in their grasps, no matter how much they hid and blended into the wallpaper of this town.

He heard what Wendy said. He heard and repeated it in his head. But it wasn’t going anywhere. Her words were bouncing across his thoughts like a balloon that was losing air; flapping, gasping, falling. Jasper remained quiet for a while, just absorbing his surroundings. The way the rain began to slick against his windows, the way her hand snaked its way against his. The way his other hand curled over hers, securing it there. This was all done without a second thought, as if they were always like this. As if they never had to hold back for the majority of their lives from the smallest of touches, “I’m glad you did, Wendy.” Jasper finally spoke, much softer and kinder than even he had expected. Wendy just brought that out of him, no matter how frustrated he was over the fact that he still...you know... But Wendy had always had this affect on him, making him softer, subtly more open even though he would never had admitted it.

Ripping his eyes from the window, Jasper looked at Wendy, cupping his hands a little tighter around hers. It took them nearly a decade to some to this point, to be able to hold hands without shying away. But what happened next, he would have never speculated. She kissed him. The softness and equal ferocity of the kiss astounded him, it was something that he had known once.... The softness of her kiss hardly changed since they were children, playing in the field of flowers and had their first kiss. He could not help but to reminisce about that time, “Moira...” He whispered, his forehead touched hers lightly as his eyes remained closed. This was all so unexpected. This closeness, Jasper hadn’t felt this comfortable in all his life as he did now, so close to Wendy. For a moment, he released his top hand, running it through her hair before kissing her once more, flying higher with this feeling, everything seemed to melt away. He only saw her, Wendy, he only felt her soft hair, kissing her beautiful lips, absorbing everything about her in this moment, “I love you.” he murmured, as he clasped their hands tighter before realizing what he had just said. For a moment he stopped breathing, for a moment the growing consciousness of what he said faded as he kept his eyes closed, repeating his words, “I love you, Wendy.”

. . . . . . .

NOTES: fucking late... but boom.headshot.
STATUS complete!
TAGGED wisper <3
ATTIRE jasper
CREDITS format and graphics to yours truly.
LYRICS "meet me at the equinox" by death cab for cutie

[wendy "widow" moira hughes]

------------------------------------------

------ Widow Hughes was not a robot. She was not some mindless twat who slept with any man who crossed her path and that was not to say she wasn't promiscuous, she was but she understood a lot better than people gave her credit for. The truth was, Widow was highly intelligent. She had a much higher than average IQ. She was clever and cunning. She was secretive and she was scared shitless by absolutely everything except getting drunk and having meaningless sex. No, those two things were actually her comfort zone, incredibly enough. There was no fear involved when stripping off her clothes for guys like JR or the lawyer she had a couple weeks ago when bored one night. Sexual attraction alone was easy. It was everything else that started to make her breath quicken to a stop and her whole being to scream no and run for your life. Being around Jasper was the later experience. She lost a bit of her control every time he was around her. It settled wrong with her because it felt right. And if there was anything a Siren knew it was that if something felt right, felt good and happy it was only setting you up for a bigger downfall. The first time her and Jasper had kissed, her father had ended up beating the, at the time, young boy. Widow was his to pimp out after all right?

------ But for once, her brain and her fears had taken a back seat to her heart as she kissed the only person in the world she had ever truly loved and the only boy she had ever cared about, even a little. It was like every nerve in her body was awake for the first time in years, awaken and on fire, her heart beating madly. She could feel the small change in him as he went from surprised to kissing her back. It felt so normal and yet the two of them had spent years making sure they didn't even graze hands, like something out of a Jane Austen novel where even the smallest touch meant something. She breathed slowly through her nose as they pulled away slowly from the kiss. She heard him softly say her middle name, "Moira". She kept her eyes closed, scared that if she opened her eyes she would realize what she was doing. At least in this moment, it could all remain a dream. A lovely, vivid dream. That was the absolute only way she could deal with what was going on right then. Pretend it was a dream where she was free to express what she was feeling.

------ The brunette felt his lips press against hers once more as his hand threw her hair. She felt her free hand move up his chest to his shoulder and up around his neck as she pulled her body closer to his. The thing about the two was that in a way, they both knew. They never spoke about their feelings but they always knew. Or at least she did. She could always see the way he looked at her. The morning she came to see him after he come to Valkyrie, she could see it then. She could feel it when she touched the scars on his back from her father's beating. When he spoke to her, she could hear the softness that was reserved for her and his sister alone, even when he was being stubborn, sarcastic and even angry, it was still there to tell her how he felt. But they never said anything out loud and that was what kept it safe. That's what kept them from breaking. At least that's how Widow saw it. Or... perhaps Wendy. God she didn't know which one to be around him. Widow was her strong side, the seemingly fearless side, Wendy was a trembling weakling who's only redeeming quality was that she was nicer and more open than Widow. Jasper saw her as Wendy and in that moment, she wanted to be Wendy for him. They took Izzy, if there was ever a time to put Widow away it was now. But did she know how to be Wendy?

------ Wendy Hughes kept her hand in his as she kissed Jasper's lips, as if the rest of the world didn't exist. Not in this dream. Not here. She had never felt this close to anyone before. And then, in a brief pause of them being together, she heard him speak. “I love you.” Her eyes snapped open hearing those words out loud. Hearing what he said... Reality came back. Wendy's dream finished and Widow woke back up. She took a deep breath as she felt his hand tighten slightly, she could see his fear in the words he had just spoken. But beyond everything he spoke again, “I love you, Wendy.” He repeated. Widow looked at him as his eyes were closed which was probably good at the moment so he couldn't see her eyes welling up with water. All she could hear were the words, 'I love you' over and over but it wasn't Jasper saying them, it was her father as he... as he raped her. And suddenly she was back there, alone in a room with her father, begging him to stop as he just cooed to her that he loved her so much. Jasper wasn't there. He didn't even know it had happened. Wid's breathing became some what panicked as she watched him for a moment before shaking her head and pulling at the hand that was clasped with his, "no no no no..." She whispered as she freed her hand and looked at him. She furrowed her brow and watched his face as she sat up straighter, "Why couldn't you just... let it be?" She asked before standing up and adjusting her clothes and walking towards the door, she stopped and looked back at the boy who had just said what both of them had been too scared to for years, "Iz is dead, that was all I came here for. We shouldn't have- I mean..."

------------------------------------------

STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; wisper<3
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'terrified' by Widow Katharine McPhee
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; I feel bad that I totally just responded via muse not order this weekend, first with riz now with wisper.

[jasper grey richardson]

JASPER GREY RICHARDSON
AS WE WALK IN THE DIMMING LIGHT OH DARLING
UNDERSTAND THAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING ENDS

. . . . . . .

Fate had a funny sense of humor, Jasper had decided this when he was eight years old. Before this time, he was a relatively happy child, never got into trouble or anything of that sort. Actually, plainly put, Jasper blended into the wallpaper as a child with equally plain features with brown eyes, brown hair with a gangly build. But he liked it that way. He appreciated the fact that he could get by with no one ever knowing of his existence, the way the rain could fall down in sheets and in the next moment the sun would rise, diminishing every last drop. Like it never happened, like he never happened. The boy didn’t have any self esteem issues or anything, it was just that he had this thing where he didn’t think he was very significant in the grand scheme of things. He was here, terrific, if he wasn’t, well, that didn’t seem to bother the eight year old much. It didn’t bother much until the day of his mother’s funeral. It was then when he began to wonder if God really existed and if he did, why did he hate his mum and him so much? There was no reason for this, no fault in his mother and to get up and kill her was... was unlike the God he had come to know. Jasper didn’t want to think of the all divine power to be vengeful; it was God, he shouldn’t have such petty human emotion, he should be, for lack of a better phrase, above it all.

It was that day when Jasper decided that it wasn’t God, that go was somewhere far, far away from him, that everything that happened was more fate than anything else. Lily, his mother, just had to be predictable and had to go to her friend’s house on a friday night. She had to eat their mediocre supper. She had to let Jasper sleep and she played with his hair and whispered sweetly while he whisked away into slumber. And thus, being a creature of habit, she had to die in the accident. It wasn’t God, it was habit he rationalized that day and today, he used the same thinking. But now, right this minute, Jasper’s well thought-out, well rehearsed beliefs were out the window, his heart took the place of his brain. His heart wasn’t rational on the best of days, let alone the day he finally was able to admit to Wendy and himself that he loved her. And today, he couldn’t take her ‘no, no, no, no’ for an answer. Jasper got up from the couch, turned towards her; he wanted her to witness this too, see his face, his eyes as his soul began to bleed his well kept secrets, “Let it be? Let what be, Wendy? Like it’s been for the past decade? how we always have to refrain and make sure everyone doesn’t know? Holding myself back from you is a conscious thought, and I hate it. But why would you ever want that?” His voice rose subtly that on a normal day it would have bothered him that he was trying to get louder to get his point across. However, this wasn’t a normal day, this wasn’t a normal hour, this wasn’t a normal minute. “Why? are you embarrassed? Because at least you didn’t have to live with yourself for the past ten years thinking that it was fine that you loved this girl because everything turns out in the end, right? That it was fine that she didn’t love you, you could handle it. But honestly? it’s killing me to see you. Everyday that I can’t be with you it’s killed me little by little for the past ten years.” For once, he wanted to see her eyes eagerly, to see if they felt the pain that he had been feeling all this time. Just a glimmer, something to tell him that this entire thing wasn’t just in his head, that she felt it in the depths of her heart too.

Jasper chuckled bitterly, maniacally even, ferociously running a hand through his haphazard wreckage of hair, “It’s funny, part of the reason I haven’t really turned out as big of a fuck up externally as I am in the inside was you. Oddly, I knew if I did something stupid, it would affect you and I don’t want you cleaning up my mess. How selfish of me to love you, right?” He swore, something that was so unknown to him, but right now, he didn’t feel as though he was really in his own body, but rather watching this all, trapped in his logical head. He sighed again, frustrated as he began to think about how bad things happened to people, not good or bad, just people in general. Bad things didn’t pick and choose who to affect, they just happened like natural disasters. It wasn’t like hurricane Katrina decided to turning into a crazy tornado from a tropical storm because she didn’t like the Jambalaya that New Orleans was famous for, no. Hurricane Katrina happened because she was going to happen, it was as simple as that. God wasn’t pissed, he wasn’t especially mad at the people of that area, the Earth just went through a big ass storm. Jasper knew that simplifying Izzy’s death as a ‘bad thing’ wasn’t a good idea, but ultimately, it had the same premise. Bad things happen, and somewhere down the metaphoric road of understanding will we be able to really know why.

He bit his bottom lip as thoughts and rage swirled in his head, conjuring an evil slew of frustration and anger, “I know Isabel is dead. I know Donny is feeling the ramifications of this much more than any of us. I know Liz is blaming herself.. But you know what? Sometimes it takes something terrible like that to make you realize that what you’ve been chasing all this time was just a fluke.” It was now that he realized the true ramifications of his words. Jasper, unintentionally, said everything that had been weighing on his chest like a boulder for the past decade or so of time. The boy never meant for her to hear all these things, all the pain and sorrow he felt along with the joy and attraction when Wendy would be in the same room as him. He just wanted her so badly that now, this sort of rejection was just a catalyst to all the things he should have said to her a long time ago. And then he was quiet. Just like that, with the words falling from his mouth so viciously he was now silent, facing the rain-slicked windows. Jasper wondered why things always came full circle, how the last time he felt something, anything remotely close to this painful blow of emotion was when his mother died and at her funeral in the rain. After a while, he spoke again, knowing she would be listening to the last words he would say to her, breaking down completely as those words left him, ”Before you leave, can you just tell me what I did wrong in loving you with my whole heart?” He asked in a whispery voice, his right hand caressing the cold window. If he tried hard enough, he might have felt the rain drops on the other side. It was evident by the tone of his voice that he was now completely broken, that he should have given up on this far fetched hope of love. But he knew, if it wasn’t today, Jasper would have never admitted anything ever. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, trying to settle the defeat that he so willingly accepted now.

. . . . . . .

NOTES: I cannot emphasis enough that I nearly cried at the end.
STATUS complete!
TAGGED wisper <3
ATTIRE jasper
CREDITS format and graphics to yours truly.
LYRICS "meet me at the equinox" by death cab for cutie

[wendy "widow" moira hughes]

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------ Frank Sinatra sang some of the world's greatest love songs. He was wildly famous, charming, charismatic, wealthy, three kids. He was rumored to have connections to the mafia. And he got married four times. If Sinatra, one of the great romantic singers in history, could not make it work, what hope could a guy like Jasper Richardson and a girl like Wendy Hughes have? Maybe one day she would be ready, but in her mind, right now, there was no way for this to happen. It would wind up in both of them being killed. Despite her father being dead, She couldn't help but imagine him hunting them down and killing Jasper for touching her. God she hated him. She hated him with all her soul. After everything he did, after every way he had hurt her and Liz and Kenny...... and Jasper, after how he touched her, she still missed him. She still wanted to see him again. She still wanted him to walk through the door and tell her everything was going to be okay, he was sorry, and he loved her. God, she was pathetic! Still wanting Daddy's approval? She was eighteen, he was dead. He was psychotic and the epitome of evil and she missed him? How was that even possible?! She was a fucking child. She was nothing, worthless.

------ And she needed to leave. What was she doing here? Why couldn't she have just given Jasper the photo and left? Left them to their grief, left them be. Why couldn't she just forget about him? Co-dependence was not something she could accept. The kiss, something was more than a kiss, the memory of it from just a few seconds ago was already pressing against her chest making it hard for her to breath. And what did she mean? Widow hadn't even known. She was too thrown off to come up with some callous lie on the spot. But it didn't matter now right? Just get out of the room Wen-.... Widow. Widow. But she was stopped when Jasper stood up and came towards her. Not being able to bring herself to look him in the eyes he spoke. "Let what be, Wendy? Like it’s been for the past decade? how we always have to refrain and make sure everyone doesn’t know? Holding myself back from you is a conscious thought, and I hate it. But why would you ever want that?” Widow glanced up at him but looked away just as quickly before she took a deep breath. She wanted to tell him something but could not get her voice to work. And apparently that was alright since he was continuing. “Why? are you embarrassed?" "No!-" Wid interrupted, about to continue when he took the pass instead. Widow fought back a tear as he admitted to loving her once again, even in rant form, again, her father's voice being all she heard "God, stop saying it!" She commanded, raising her hands near the sides of her head as if she were going to cover her ears. She dropped them as he returned to his rant, she turned away from him but he continued as if not hearing her. "But honestly? it’s killing me to see you. Everyday that I can’t be with you it’s killed me little by little for the past ten years.”

------ She had to look back over at him. She looked him in the eyes. Widow shook her head as if to tell him being with her would have literally killed him. She opened her mouth as if she were about to speak but closed it again upon realizing there was nothing she could tell him without making herself vulnerable or lying. Her gazed returned to him as he chuckled bitterly “It’s funny, part of the reason I haven’t really turned out as big of a fuck up externally as I am in the inside was you. Oddly, I knew if I did something stupid, it would affect you and I don’t want you cleaning up my mess. How selfish of me to love you, right?” Widow raised her eyebrows a bit, and shook her head, maybe it was this point, maybe it was his raised town finally reaching her. She pointed to herself, "That is not fair. I didn't do a damn thing. You turned out better because of your mother and because of who you are. Don't take that credit away from you and put it on me, it's insulting." She responded forcefully, because she knew the truth, it was her father, and the Sirens as a whole, including herself that fucked that innocent kid Jasper had once been up. "And you know what Jasper? Yes, it is incredibly selfish of you. I'm a Siren." She said in a very final tone, "and you should know better." She was visually upset right now, which was rare for her but this was at a moment, not even she could play off as nothing. "But you know what? Sometimes it takes something terrible like that to make you realize that what you’ve been chasing all this time was just a fluke.”

------ Wend-... Widow wasn't even sure she knew what he had meant by that. But if he meant what she thought he did, about them, it made her heart stop for moment and made her feel... nothing at... or everything.. I don't know. She was just confused right now. And her father was laughing at her from hell. She stayed silent after that, attempting to keep breathing. It was going to be okay. She just needed to leave. Widow shook her head again slightly and turned towards the door. She reached out for the door knob when she heard his voice again. Not angry, just broken and defeated. ”Before you leave, can you just tell me what I did wrong in loving you with my whole heart?" Widow didn't turn around for a moment. She dropped her hand and stood there a moment. What was she supposed to say? Slowly she turned around and walked back over to him by the window. Without a word she reached up and hugged him before pulling away slowly, kissing him very briefly, one last time. She looked him the eyes and forced a small smile, "Juliet died, remember?" She nodded and turned around, heading straight for the door. That was it.

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STATUS;; complete
TAGGED;; wisper<3
CREDITS;; format stolen from lainey, with a little tweaking by me
LYRICS;; 'terrified' by Widow Katharine McPhee
CLOTHES;; here
NOTES;; wow, I started crying. I figured maybe one more post before this thread was finished? Otherwise we could end it here, up to you<3